She was getting late for office. “Where the hell is
Sruthi?”, she gnarled to herself. She was at the metro station, waiting for her
friend. She had a meeting in fifteen minutes and though their office is only 5
minutes from the station, traffic might slow them down. She inwardly cursed
Sruthi for having boarded a different compartment. The platform was really
crowded and there was no way she could find Sruthi from the stream of faces.
She stood there, restless, when she heard someone shouting her name from
behind. She turned around. She didn’t recognise him at first. He was on the
other side of the platform waving frantically at her. Slowly, realisation
dawned on her.
She could never forget that face, or the first time she saw
it. It was back in Kerala during one of her college vacations. It was one of
those magical days. When the world smelled of fresh blooms. When the earth was
damp from the morning dew. There was love in the air. She had come out for a walk,
to enjoy the good weather, when she saw him across the field. He was chewing on
a sugarcane stump, or what was left of it. He looked like a model just out of the
ramp in a maroon kurta and blue jeans. She stood there, transfixed, gazing at
him across the field. And then he turned in her direction and saw her. His
expression changed from weary to curious to interested in 3 seconds. He must
have been really bored. He smiled at her. She smiled hesitantly. He started
walking towards her. She was not sure if she should walk to him too. By the
time she decided to, he had already crossed the distance between them. She noticed
that he is pretty tall. And he looked even more handsome up close.
He told her that his name is Sachin
and he is from Pune and he has come to Kerala to visit his college mate, Arun
from NIT Nagpur who happened to be her neighbour. She instantly regretted not
having spent more time with her geeky neighbour. Who would have thought the
nerd would bring this hunk into her life. She also regretted not having studied
well enough to get into NIT. All this between staring open mouthed at him and
secretly imagining how cute their kids would be.
The following few days were easily
the best ever in her life. It was surprising even to her that she could connect
with him so well, even though they had nothing much in common. They talked,
roamed around, talked, flirted, talked more and then talked some more. They
became buddies in a really short time, which was not like her at all. She should
have taken a hint from that. But she was too busy thanking her neighbour over
and over in her mind for bringing Sachin into her life.
After a rather short week and a lot
of talking, it was time for him to leave. Somehow, she had a feeling that they
would meet again soon. Maybe that is why she wasn’t as upset as he was. She
went with Arun to drop him at the airport. They exchanged phone numbers and
email ids and promised that they would keep in touch. And he left.
He called her every day after that.
They talked for hours on the phone. They talked about anything and everything.
She was starting to like him more and more. Their casual friendship gradually
turned into something more. She felt comfortable talking to him. Even the
things she dared not talk to anyone else. But she couldn’t figure out what it
really was between them.
And then one day he jokingly said that they were practically
a couple, telling each other everything. She couldn’t sleep that night. She
kept thinking about what he had said. She realized that she was starting to fall
in love with him, but she knew that she wouldn’t act on her feelings. But she
was not so sure if she could control herself if she knew that he loved her too.
By morning, she knew. But she was
not yet ready to accept it. First of all, she wasn’t sure if he felt the same
way about her. Secondly, her parents would never approve, even if it worked
out. She had two choices. Either go ahead and talk to him about her feelings
and see how he felt and then talk to her parents and try to convince them, if
he felt the same way. But convincing her parents would be a hard task, what
with him being northie and all. Or she could just forget the whole thing and avoid
herself or others getting hurt. Being the practical girl that she was, she
chose the second option.
The days that followed were the most
difficult. She tried to act normal. She kept their talks to formal ones. He
kept asking her what is wrong. But after a while, he gave up. She felt that she
should stop talking to him, or she will get hurt eventually. So, slowly, she
reduced the frequency of the calls and subsequently stopped talking to him. It
took all her restraint to control herself from calling him and telling him
about her feelings.
They say there are no wounds that time cannot heal.
She finished her college, and joined a company in Bangalore.
She met new people, formed new friendships. She got busy with work and forgot
all about Sachin.
She was now standing in front of
him, speechless. She was seeing him after so long. Almost 6 years. That week in
Kerala flashed in front of her. He hadn’t changed much. He looked more handsome
if that was possible. He had a wide grin on him.
4 hours later
She was sitting across from him in the restaurant wondering
what to say to him. He had suggested that they meet up for lunch. She wished
she had refused. How was she supposed to behave? Even though they had spent
only a little time together, they had shared a lot. But that was long back. It
has been 6 years since then. That awkwardness was evident in their
conversation. She found out that he has been working in Bangalore for the past
one year. He had tried to call her sometime, but obviously, her old number is
no longer available. And she hadn’t given him her new number.
The conversation soon turned to serious
subjects. She asked him about his personal life which she regretted instantly.
His smile disappeared. He looked into her eyes. The smile returned, but it
didn’t reach his eyes. He joked that he hadn’t found anyone like her. She laughed,
but she knew that he was not fooled by it for one second. He asked her about
her life, and she lied. She said she got married soon after college and her
husband is also working in Bangalore. Disappointment was evident on his face.
She didn’t know what to say after that. He seemed out of words too. She stood
up, making some excuse about having to go back to work. She told him to come
home some time to meet her family. He promised he will. But both of them knew
they were never going to see each other again.
He walked with her back to her
office. They said goodbye at the gate and she walked in. Once inside, she
turned and looked out through the glass. She watched him walk away. She knew
she had done the right thing. But she wished things were different. She wished
she had expressed her love for him back when she could. She wished she had told
her parents about him and at least tried to convince them instead of just
agreeing to marry the guy they had found for her. Well, if she were wishing for
stuff, she would wish her husband hadn’t died in that accident and left her
alone with her 2 year old daughter. Sachin would be better off without having
to deal with her past. It wouldn’t be fair to him if she dragged him into her
misery. But she couldn’t stop herself from wishing, if only things were
different... if only she had been a little reckless in her past... if only...
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