One of those days...

Disclaimer: All characters in the below post (even those based on real people), are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living, dead or living dead is purely coincidental. J

There are some days when you feel very happy for no reason. You feel like nothing could go wrong. You feel a glow when you wake up in the morning. You go to the mess and see that they have made your favorite dish for breakfast. You walk back sipping your tea thinking of all the good things that are going to happen to you. You look up and see him looking at you, a wide smile on his face.

You look right back at him and say, “What the hell are you grinning at, pervert??!!??!?”

The guy from the apartment above yours turns away as if you weren’t talking to him. Happens to me every day.

But this post is not about such days. It is about the opposite kind of day, where you know the moment you wake up that you are going to be screwed in more ways than one. Yesterday was one such day.

As usual I set my alarm to ring at 8.20. As usual I snoozed it at 8.20. As usual, I snoozed it again at 8.25. As usual, the snooze fest went on till 8.45, when my mobile decided to do something unusual and switched itself off. Poor me, unaware of the betrayal, slept on for another hour, most of which I was partially awake waiting for the alarm to ring. Yes, I know that I am awake and I don’t need the alarm now to get up, but this is one of those things that I am weird about. I should get up only when the alarm rings. Or else my day will be horrible. Which it anyways was. Talk about irony.

So at around 10 AM, I woke up gracefully, looking something like this.

Ok, maybe a little less cute, but only a little.

I took my phone, saw that it is switched off and then I looked something like this.

I don’t exactly remember what happened in the next thirty minutes or so. It was like the roadrunner show in fast forward mode. Somehow, I got ready and was about to leave when I got a call from my team mate. Obviously I didn’t pick. Well, for those of you who do not know, calls from teammates are never good. They are either calling to give you work or to warn you that someone else wants to give you work. In either case, you have to work. So that explains the not picking. But this team mate was not one to give up easily. Soon after, I got a message, “meeting at 11.” 

15 minutes and another road runner episode later, I was at my desk, the ultimate icon of composure - panting and gasping for air while simultaneously trying to empty a full bottle of water into my mouth.

The meeting was like any other meeting. My manager went on and on about stuff which I either didn’t understand or didn’t care. I had already started regretting that one bottle full of water, if you know what I mean. Fifteen minutes of blah later, he started talking about work distribution. Ok. That should take what, 10 minutes? All he had to do was tell us who should do what and leave us so that some of us can go pee, right? But nooooooooo!!!! He had to open his laptop and show off the excel sheet that he had made with each of our names in different colours. If that wasn’t enough, he wanted to hear our suggestions on how to progress. Knowing my other team mates, I knew I would be stuck there for a while. So I had to sit there, pretending to listen and nodding to the “suggestions”, all the while trying to somehow control my expressions so that they wouldn’t betray my bladder. When (finally) the meeting got over, I ran out of the meeting room into the rest room. I swear, I have never been so relieved in my life (all pun intended).

[Special note to my team mates who are reading this: If any of you are offended, please refer to the disclaimer at the top of this post. J]

The rest of the day passed without much excitement. I was starting to believe that that is it. I have done my time. I have paid off my sins. Around 7, somewhat cheerfully, I took my bag and walked to the bus stop. 

It happened when I was crossing the road. I looked right, then I looked left, and then I looked right again, just like I had learned in class 2, and then I started walking across the road. And then out of nowhere came this BMTC Volvo. Thankfully the driver was a nice guy and he slowed down to allow me to cross the road.

BAZINGA!!! :-P

Of course there is no such thing as a “nice” Volvo driver in Bangalore. They are a frustrated lot I tell you. I swear he even swerved the bus to the left a little bit to hit me. I gracefully stepped back and gave the driver an I-know-it-is-tough-to-drive-a-Volvo kind of smile. Of course not before cussing at everyone in sight and running like my life depended on it, except in this case it really did. I didn’t know how much more of this misery I could take in a day. That was when my sandals decided to catch up with the moment and break its strap. I was speechless. There were tears in my eyes. Clearly the universe was conspiring against me. Me, just a helpless human, with no supernatural powers to fight back. Cruel universe. I limped to the bus stop, sobbing to myself. I called my friend and told him to drop me home. He was sweet enough (did I say sweet? I meant jobless) to agree. He tried to console me and I tried to pretend that it worked.

I removed my sandals and put it in my bag. All the way, till I reached home, I was chewing over the concept of a higher power. Maybe there is a God. One who gave you small punishments to remind you that you have been ignoring him for too long? Yes. That should be it. It must be the almighty trying to tell me that it is time to go back to him. As if to prove my point, the clouds above parted and the moon came out shining on me. I looked up at the sky, glowing in my enlightenment and you won’t believe what happened next. I actually felt a pat on my shoulder. It was as if God was appreciating me for discovering the truth.

Thus, a day that started like hell literally ended like heaven.

P.S: In truth, the pat that I felt on my shoulder was my bag’s shoulder strap breaking. But the end result was the same. I started believing in the presence of a higher power. Surely irony like this couldn’t have been unplanned. Sniff.


Image Courtesy : Google Images

Past Forward

It was raining. I was humming away to “Mann Mohana” while doing the dishes. And then out of nowhere, I thought of him. Maybe it was the rain or maybe it was the song, which he used to make me sing almost every day. It is funny how my heart beats faster when I think of him. Even now. After all these years. Whoever said love is sweet only in the initial stages probably didn’t actually fall in love. Or maybe it was a guy. I don’t know. But for me it has always been sweet. To know that there is someone who loves you in spite of your flaws. To know that there is someone who will listen to your confessions and still not judge you. To know that there is someone who will not hang up on you when you just woke him up at 2 in the morning to cry about a fight with your best friend. To know that, that someone still loves you even though he knows that you are a little childish. It is even sweeter when all these someones is one person. And that is what he was for me.

Standing there, looking at the slight drizzle through the window, took me back to those days. The long talks on the phone... the bike rides in the rain hugging him tight… silly fights… long chats… stolen kisses… It was all so special. He was mine. My life. The sole reason for my existence.

But then, one day, everything changed. I watched him walking away from me. He was helpless. He knew he couldn’t give me the life I wanted. He had to let me go. And so he did. Leaving me in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly, I had this big hole in my life. All I felt was a numbness. Lot of time at my hands, but nothing to do, no one to talk to, nothing to live for. The same robotic schedule every day. The same monotonous timetable. Fake smiles, pretended normalcy, I was in that black hole where no one could help. Where I don’t let anyone, not even my close friends come near me. That phase, when I just wanted to die crying. I didn’t want anyone to help me. I wanted to be miserable. I wanted to bleed. I wanted the pain. Coz that’s all I had left of him. The memories, the pain. I wanted to die. I wished I would be terminally ill. I wished there was some way I could just stop living. If only there was a way to just die. I still don’t know how I climbed out of that misery.

Years passed. Life changed. Priorities changed. Abhi happened. I still don’t know if I loved Abhi when I accepted his proposal. It was definitely not a love match. He did not sweep me off my feet. I did not feel butterflies in my stomach when he smiled at me. But I felt comfortable with him. I told him about him on one of our chats. I don’t know how I expected him to react. He patiently listened to everything and at the end he just said, “It happens. You have got to let it go. It was not your fault. Stop punishing yourself.” Maybe that is when I decided….

I was pulled out of my muse by some movement behind me. Before I could turn around, he hugged me from behind. “Good morning”, he said nuzzling his face in my hair. I just stood there, relishing the moment. Yes, somewhere on the way, I had started loving him. I had finally made peace with the fact that he belongs to the past. He has no place in my future. My future is this man.

Image Courtesy : loverofsadness.net

Meanwhile on Facebook...

Now that was completely uncalled for, don’t you think? Yes.. I know I am almost 25 and pretty and sexy (ahem) and single (sniff) and not even close to getting married (sob sob), but that doesn’t essentially mean that I am a lesbian!!!

I was a little shocked at first when I saw this request in my notifications. I think I even cursed out loud which sort of startled my roommate. She stared at my laptop while I clicked on the request and saw this.

(I thought of blackening that picture, but what the hell, if that doesn’t increase the number of visits on my blog, I don’t know what will... (wink))

But really, lesbian hugs and kisses? Is it like accept this request to get lesbian hugs and kisses or to see lesbians hugging and kissing? (I can already see the blog visits flying high in the sky J) And I still don’t get why I was sent this request. I mean, I am not judging her preferences. Can’t actually blame her for liking women, what with the kind of men that I see around (single girls high five J). I wonder if every other girl on her friends list received one of these or I was specially chosen for this honour. For a moment I was tempted to accept, just to see what is in there. But then I had a mental image of my brother seeing it and telling my mother and the drama that would follow. I know I don't have the energy for that. (shhee. I knew I shouldn’t have added him!!)

So, I didn’t accept, despite the exciting possibilities (pun not intended), but I haven’t rejected either. You never know.. (wink nudge)

P.S : My roommate was seen minutes earlier packing her bags in a hurry. I think I even heard a few sobs. What a baby!!

"You know what Shahrukh Khan’s full name is?”

It was just another lazy Friday afternoon and I was sitting at my desk in office pretending to work, while secretly checking my blog every few minutes to see if anyone else has read it J. That is when my friend, let us call her Angel, pinged me on office communicator –

Angel:  “You are not gonna believe this!!! You know what Shahrukh Khan’s full name is?” 

Me: “Nope” (wondering Shah-Rukh-Khan has a fuller name?!!??!)

A: “It is Deepak”

Me: “What?? Who told you that?? “(Disbelieving, yet opening Wikipedia and Google, which is my reflex mechanism in such situations.)

A: “found it on FB”

Me: “No chance... It is not there in wiki” (as far as I was concerned, that settled the matter)

A: “Actually it is Deepak Menon.. looks like he is mallu”

Me: “WHAT THE …?” (mild heart attack)

A: “You checked in wiki? Why???? (short pause)  Ohhh.. I am talking about that irritating guy in the next cubicle whom we used to call Shahrukh Khan...”

Me: “^$&#$%*(_)**(^&(^^&$%@!W$@!%*(”

The conversation continued on how he cannot (should not, must not) be a mallu and we concluded that he should be a fraud who created multiple profiles in FB with different surnames. (Yea.. we girls are sweet like that.. we find consolation in the smallest of things :D and in our defense, the 25+ looking guy did have a date of birth somewhere in the 90s in his FB page)

Confessions of a Martian-Part 2

Where were we again?  Ah yes… As I was saying, I have been on the receiving end of so many of these ‘advice’ (brainwashing) sessions for the past one year or so, by my relatives, friends, relatives, pretend friends who are secretly enjoying my suffering, distant relatives, colleagues, that guy from McDonalds who ‘overheard’ a conversation… well, you get the drift. Naturally, I have thought a lot about this. Which makes me wonder why there is no law in India against this harassment? I mean the harassment of mangliks and not the brainwashing, you dumbo. (God!!)

Clearly this is discrimination on the basis of birth times and sex - Sex because none of the rules or restrictions for mangliks proposed by astrologers seem to apply to manglik boys. I don’t see anyone asking a boy to fast on certain days, wear ugly rings or donate blood or marry a banana (don’t ask). Why do I have to go through the embarrassing experience of having to marry a peepal tree or banana tree or whatever? When I come to think of it, I don’t even like banana that much. I would much rather marry an exotic sounding tree like Magnolia or Oleander or something, or at least a good looking tree, maybe one of these. But does anyone care about my opinions? Noooooo. How I wish my mom had held me in for another few hours on that fateful day. Maybe I would have been allowed the mercy of the stars to choose my own life partner.

Most of us, if faced with a similar situation, would probably end up agreeing to go through this humiliation just to get our parents off our back if not for anything else. According to the astrologers, once the wedding is over, the tree in question has to be slain!!! Cold blooded murder, I’m telling you. Apparently, this will imply that my husband has died due to the curse of Mars and I’m free to get married again. I would have been really amused if this was happening to someone else. Because, it makes me wonder, how stupid do they think this Mars person is, to be fooled with a tree instead of a person? It is like serving him ‘thairuvada’ when he asked for ‘kappabiriyani’ (ask a ‘mellu’ J)

Actually, it is shocking that these customs still exist in a country like India, where women adorn some of the highest offices in the government including that of the President, Speaker of the Lok Sabha and Chairperson of the ruling party and also, how could I forget, right hand of Anna Hazare, which is as high as it gets in India. (wink wink)!!

Jokes apart, let us all take a moment to think about the women in our lives, who had to go through so many hurdles, endure so much pain and still gave you a supporting hand or a shoulder to cry on. Let us promise that we will give them some reason or the other to smile today. I wish all my dear friends a very Happy Women’s Day.

Confessions of a Martian-Part 1

After reading the title of this post (or this blog, for that matter), all of you who have read, or at least heard of the Nobel winning epic, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” and is half as twisted as I am would be sniggering like Joey in that episode where Rachel says number 2. If you have not even heard of the above mentioned book, I would suggest a quick googling. On the other hand, if you just said “Joey who???” I have three words for you – I don’t like you.

Back on track.. Yes people, I am a Martian.. A very strong one at that.. Now, before you jump to conclusions, let me assure you that this has nothing to do with IPC section 377 (what!! I just want to cultivate the habit of googling in my readers!!). I was just referring to my astrological status. Guys, I am what your parents warned you about. Yes, I am a Manglik!! For all my international readers, (heehee) I was born under the evil eye of the red planet. So, I am the synonym for disaster and my marriage with a non manglik or “pure” boy will lead to catastrophic consequences, apparently. If that isn’t crazy enough for you, I can get married only to a Manglik guy, wait... it is not over, and who has a greater Manglik score than me (pfffft).

As some of you may be aware, this is one thing that scares, really scares the living hell out of prospective mom/dad in laws. Their non-manglik son getting married to his manglik girlfriend. Put yourself in this situation and add to it the fact that u did not even have a clue that you were one, till you were 23, and you might get where I am now.

Ironically, no one in my family except my dad knew of this ‘fatal condition’ and when the time came to actually start the drama, he was no longer around. My mom says, if she had known earlier that I am manglik, she would have cultured in me the sensibility to not fall for any guys, you know as opposed to how she always pestered me to fall in love with a non manglik guy and run away with him. But the most unexpected melodramatic reaction I got was from my brother. He was shocked, outraged and appalled at the same time (rolling eyes) because, I didn’t confide in him earlier about my relationship. How could I keep such a big secret from him, he asked me. And my response was, if I remember correctly, “bleh#^hah%$ughh!!” I mean, when have I ever shared my problems with him? Forget problems. When have I ever shared anything at all with him? How could he even think that I would share my innermost secrets with a person like him who never cared about his little sister (sob sob). Ahh... Now that I have vented some of my (pauses to check thesaurus) histrionic energy, let me ask you something. What is this shit all about anyways? Yes I mean this astrology crap. And yes, I am talking to you, you horoscope reading, never fallen in love/fell for the perfect guy astrology wise/dumped boyfriend and arranged married millionaire from US etc. etc. You really think I deserve less happiness than you because I was born at that unfortunate time when Mr. Mars decided to take a walk and while he was at it, visited some houses (including my 7^th, regrettably) on the way??? I don’t think so.

What do you expect me to do when you make me sit through those long sessions on how that neighbor of yours who ran away and got married to her lover had eventually gotten divorced or that girl who had listened to her parents and dumped her boyfriend earlier this year to get married to a guy in Canada, is living happily ‘ever since’? I am not judging either of these girls. What bothers me is how the same girl would have been judged if she had dumped her boyfriend for a better guy back when she was not under the marriage radar. Talk about double standards!!

All this talk about differential treatment and injustice is very depressing. But this article did cheer me up a little. Let me go convince my mom how Mars, being my star father (like godfather J) gives me extra energy, independence, will and self-confidence to accomplish my dreams. So long then.

Letter to God

Dear God, please tell me, does anybody really understand me? I have all these questions in my mind, but I don’t know who to ask. I’m not even sure if one is supposed to ask these sort of questions to someone or one should figure it out oneself.

Please tell me God, does he really think that he can just act like he doesn’t really care about me or my feelings so that when he does leave me, I am not as hurt I should be?  Doesn’t he understand that I am not a kid and I would rather hear the truth? That all the vagueness is just a signal that he doesn’t trust me?

Or is it that he REALLY doesn’t care? I would give anything to look into his thoughts. To know what goes through his mind. Coz I don’t understand when he says “I’m not worried about you”. How can he not be worried about me? When I think of the pain he is going through, all because of me, my heart cries, it bleeds, it feels like someone has taken it out of my chest, stamped on it, cut it up into little pieces, and then poured some vinegar on it. But still, he says, “I’m not worried about you.”  Is he lying? Is he that good an actor? I don’t know God. If he isn’t lying, how did this happen to me? I trusted him so much. Was the past 2 or so years just a big lie? I never considered myself to be a pushover. I never let anyone fool me like this. I never was a little girl easily smitten by love. But how did this happen to me?

Who will answer my questions? Is this how life is? Just a bundle of questions with no answers?

I love him so much. Like I never loved anyone before. Even now, after 2 years, when I see him, my heart accelerates, butterflies fly in my stomach. Seeing him walk away from me feels like a part of me is being taken away from me. Please let him stay God. Once I lost the duel with you, I watched quietly, with a sobbing heart when u took from me the most important man of my life, my role model, my everything. You won that time. That’s when he came into my life. Now you won’t let me have him? Please answer me, God.

P.S – the above post has nothing to do with my personal experiences. That’s my story and I am sticking to it. J

Yours truly

That first post was written a year back. Around the time when I started getting addicted to the blogosphere. And it was never meant to be published. Mainly because, I never thought there would be a second post. If I somehow find a way to go back to my past and tell myself that I would be writing a blog in future, I would probably die laughing. J But then if I had died in my past, I wouldn’t be here now to go back. J (wow.. now I know where they get ideas for those mind ****ing movies like this)

Anyhow, now I have decided to give it a try anyways and post whatever ideas I have. So if you like any of them particularly, and would like me to keep writing, do leave a comment.

Yours truly..

I did it...

10.03.2011

Two weeks back if someone had asked me to write a blog, my immediate response would have been “ Ya, Right!!! As if I could.” But here I am, in front of my laptop  (actually I am in office, pretending to do work, but my boss doesn’t need to know that. J)

Warning: I have the vocabulary of a 10 year old. So if you are looking forward to some verisimilitude or lamprophony you can look elsewhere.

So here we go.. with my first blog entry..

Errr.. Eerrr... ahem… yea… let us start.. errr….

Okay. So I don’t know how to start. When I decided to write a blog, my mind was full of ideas. I even considered jumping out of my bed and start writing right away. But then the usual laziness took over. “I can write tomorrow. That is what office time is for.” This is what life has come to now a days. Home is for rest. All the free time (and the free internet) in office takes care of social networking, mail checking, bill payments, phone recharges etc etc. Some people might find this insincere- most likely the ones who are relatively new to the job, who are yet to realize that they will be screwed at some point anyways.  The fact that you were put into a project in which you had no interest at all added with the realization that the chances of you getting into anything good after this f******* support project (what..! I meant freaking..!!! count the stars if you want :D ) are meagre makes up for the guilt. So here I am, in office. Still no ideas on what to write.

15.04.2011

So my blog dreams stayed at 1 big paragraph for almost a month, while I debated with myself whether thinking of writing was a mistake in the first place. Then I go and do this big blunder of commenting on a friend’s wall about his blog and a “very important somebody” misunderstands and thinks that I wrote a blog and that friend commented on it (yea.. big mix-up.. very complicated..) Now this “important somebody” gets totally pissed off thinking that I wrote a blog and sent it to this friend and not “very important somebody”. Confused? I am. So I have to write a blog and show it to VIS and then post it to prove that this is it. My first blog post. (Man.. the things I do for… friends..)

So here I am blabbering and feeling a little guilty that so far I haven’t mentioned anything interesting other than the usual boring stuff. Well. You would have gotten the drift of this post when u started reading it. You could have just stopped reading and left. But you didn’t. So you deserve it. Buhuhahaha!!! (For those who didn’t understand, that was a devilish laugh.. ;)) So, I sign off, proud to have finished the first post (ab main bhi blogger ban gayi :-P ) and feeling a little happy that I wasted some precious time in someone’s life (sadistic.. I know) or maybe even gave someone an inspiration to write a blog themselves, you know, if-she-could-do-it-I-can-too types. Well, a girl can dream.. J