Letter to God

Dear God, please tell me, does anybody really understand me? I have all these questions in my mind, but I don’t know who to ask. I’m not even sure if one is supposed to ask these sort of questions to someone or one should figure it out oneself.

Please tell me God, does he really think that he can just act like he doesn’t really care about me or my feelings so that when he does leave me, I am not as hurt I should be?  Doesn’t he understand that I am not a kid and I would rather hear the truth? That all the vagueness is just a signal that he doesn’t trust me?

Or is it that he REALLY doesn’t care? I would give anything to look into his thoughts. To know what goes through his mind. Coz I don’t understand when he says “I’m not worried about you”. How can he not be worried about me? When I think of the pain he is going through, all because of me, my heart cries, it bleeds, it feels like someone has taken it out of my chest, stamped on it, cut it up into little pieces, and then poured some vinegar on it. But still, he says, “I’m not worried about you.”  Is he lying? Is he that good an actor? I don’t know God. If he isn’t lying, how did this happen to me? I trusted him so much. Was the past 2 or so years just a big lie? I never considered myself to be a pushover. I never let anyone fool me like this. I never was a little girl easily smitten by love. But how did this happen to me?

Who will answer my questions? Is this how life is? Just a bundle of questions with no answers?

I love him so much. Like I never loved anyone before. Even now, after 2 years, when I see him, my heart accelerates, butterflies fly in my stomach. Seeing him walk away from me feels like a part of me is being taken away from me. Please let him stay God. Once I lost the duel with you, I watched quietly, with a sobbing heart when u took from me the most important man of my life, my role model, my everything. You won that time. That’s when he came into my life. Now you won’t let me have him? Please answer me, God.

P.S – the above post has nothing to do with my personal experiences. That’s my story and I am sticking to it. J